亞歷山大幻境海岬公寓 (The Mirage Resort Alexandra Headland)

Just wrapped up a three-night stay at The Mirage and wow – what an experience. If you’re looking for outdated decor, zero flexibility, microscopic parking, and that special “we really wish you hadn’t called” after-hours service, this is the place for you. The Highlights Check-in was a breeze… if you arrive before 5pm. Travelling two hours straight from work? Too bad. The after-hours staff answered the phone with all the warmth and enthusiasm of someone being asked to work overtime on their day off. Truly made me feel like an inconvenience for… wanting to check into the room I’d paid for. Parking was comedy gold. The spaces are so narrow you could barely squeeze a motorcycle in, let alone a normal car or SUV. Opening the doors without performing advanced yoga was a daily challenge. Room Condition: Step back in time to the early 2000s with the decor! Bonus points for the welcome gift of someone else’s hair thoughtfully left in the bathroom corners and shower drain. Nothing says “relaxing resort stay” quite like someone else’s grooming remnants. Look, if you enjoy feeling unwelcome, fighting for door space, and questioning the cleaning standards, you’ll love it here. Otherwise… maybe keep scrolling.